Grocery Shopping

So last grocery store I went into I ran into two people I'd rather not see...ever...but still said hi as sweetly as i could...this trip I decided to hit another store. I go to the express lane with my 14 items and the lady huffs at me as she pulls my veggies oother the basket, and says "in the future, don't come to this lane, this is for 10 items or less. She sighs as she begins bagging my items so I smile real brightly and start bagging my stuff (all 4 bags) and say "have a blessed day"...when I really wanted to..........

Now mind you, this is minutes after I take a trip to the farm where we get our raw milk, eggs, and meat. There I almost fell carrying in the crates of empty glass bottles on the icey driveway-eh mud road... I get in there and load a new crate full of beautiful new bottles of fresh milk, and as I go to leave and heave the crates up, one of the bottles was overfilled and spills all over me. I get out and it's a flippin snowsorm out when just 5 min ago it was sunny!

And as my kids enjoy their maple spun cotton candy and their raw milk icecream I drive home soaked, cold and uptight making sure I am carefull in the midst of a squall!!! So that lady got off real easy lol

And I will happily make Thai tonight with the 14 ingredients (instead of 10) and joyously pour my babies raw milk for their goodnight drinks and thank God that I held my temper and maintained my sanctification hahaha

Oooooyy

I woke up this morning overhearing my girls talking about Justin Bieber. I thought the obsession was contained but yesterdays movie experience for them put their craze over the top. Faith says to Rhema "sigh, I just can't stop thinking about him!" Rhema says "I just want to meet him! I had a dream that he gave me 30 tickets to see him everywhere he went" Faith respsonds "you know what's so sad??? He doesn't even know we exist! How can we change that?". I laughed outloud and they realized i was listenig...ahh Faith, always the one to need an answer to everything lol

And if that wasn't enough, Rhema takes me aside and says to me "I did something in the bathroom" Ooy, I was dreading what she would say because of what our family had just been thru, but was instantly relieved when she said she had shaved her legs!

Relief soon turned to shock as I realized my oldest is swiftly becoming a young lady and quite without my consent! Please, please stay as naive as possible! Continue playing store and dollhouse!!! I'm not ready for this yet...

But alas, life never does stay the same, and we are forced to let them grow and go, for we are just their caretakers along their journey of life. I just wish we could freeze certain moments like their birth...that feeling of relief and joy all in one, or their heavy downy head as it rests on your shoulder...their first goofy smile, their first coo as they lock eyes and try and tell you they love you. The first time they discover their hand, and that it goes with them everywhere. That first giggle that you want to capture a million times over. Their first taste of food and the expression they give as they gag on a new texture. Their first time sitting up, then toppling over, and their gusty cry of shock. That first wobbling step and then, then you realize your in for it! The journey now has truly begun...and here I am, in shock that my oldest shaved her legs all by herself! And so I finish the note just how I started it...OOY!!!

Milestones

So the last 3 weeks have been filled with milestones.

First, we went from being a family of 10 to a family of 9. And while we are all still sad at how it happened, we know that God's hand was in it, both the 4 years of caring for her, as well as her departure, and we wish nothing but the best for her.

Second, our twin baby boys are sitting up for longer then a 30 second stretch of time. They now sit up and play with toys for a long time, and stay happy for the most part, as long as Mommy doesn't walk by them without stopping to pick them up (How dare I?) and as long as they are content with their toy and not the one in their brother's hand

Third, they've also decided they no longer like the swings they've lived in for the last 8 months, but rather prefer to sleep in their crib, and now sleep through the night to the GREAT relief of their parents :)

Fourth, Gloria-Grace is peeing on the potty, and her hair is finally long enough for pigtails again. She loves having her hair done and insists on bows even if they do not match lol

Fifth, I'm enjoying the growth I see in my daughters, as they step into their God given place as mini-leaders in our home. Rhema is Cai and GG's favorite playmate, and they follow her like a shadow as she plays playdough, beads, legos, and doll house with them. Faith is growing into quite the young lady. We enjoyed her first brownies she's ever made, and she gave Judah his first bath post surgery. She is my shadow and the twins mini-mommy, and I am blessed to have them both by my side.

Lastly, and most importantly I have discovered I CAN do this. I can run an efficient household, I can joyously be around babies and children all day long and still have the time for myself, my husband, and my Savior. I have realized that it doesn't matter what people say, where we live, who likes me, who doesn't, what lies are being told...I will still remain joyous. I will not let the hurts of the past dictate my future other than to make me wiser and more compassionate to those Jesus has purposely placed in my life. I have decided to breathe, I have let the hurt and anger go, and I am filling up my lungs with completely fresh, unpolluted air of a family full of promise.

Life is full of milestones. Some stones you will look back on and remember the tears of sorrow that soaked the ground where that stone lies. Others there will be nothing but joy...the key is to choose to let those milestones sharpen you into the person you are today, and today I am me. I'm a woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an auntie, and a friend. I am me, and I choose to be happy :)

My house, my home

It's not perfect, it's not spotless, somedays I'm lucky if I can call it clean. But it's my house, my home. It shelters my babes, it warms us from the cold, it holds us together when the world would rather us be separated, each doing their own thing. It comforts the heart...Its our home. Don't diss it, don't tell me it's out of control cause it's messier then yours. Last I checked there's 10 people living here in these walls, that means it's impossible for it to look like yours for longer than 10 minutes. I'm so glad my house looks like it does, pencil drawings on the walls, fingerprints on the windows, and bottles in the sink. That may say disorder to you, but to me it screams LIFE! Our life. And our life wouldn't be the same without tracks of wet snow in our entryway from a chilled child who just made a snow fort and is now seeking the warmth of our kitchen and a mug of hot cocoa. It wouldn't be the same without damp towels in the bathroom from a marathon bathtime of 7 in and out of the tub, water all over the floor from splashing eachother. There WILL be toys everywhere because toys are "played" with here, not merely looked at. There will be crumbs on the floor because my children actually eat here, not at daycare or fastfood. There will be laundry because I prefer my children to wear clean clothes and look nice. You WILL find things hidden underneath couches and beds because our children help clean their home and are still learning that we don't cram things into hiding places. These walls. They are called our home, and I will be content in the clutter and the chaos that many little ones bring. I will even celebrate it and refuse to let it stress me out. One day they'll be grown and in homes of their own, and my house will be clean, spotless even, but no doubt it will be lonely...and lonely is one thing I never am now. Because of my home. It's full of living, sweet breathing individuals. Individuals who call these four walls their home.

Ahhhhh....

I love my home, I do. But there are days (like today!) that I need to leave it all behind...leave the cooking behind, the changing diapers, the making bottles, the nursing, the correcting, the folding, the switching, the sweeping, (wait! Didn't I just sweep this floor 10 minutes ago?) the never empty sink, no matter how many times I unload and load the dishwasher...I need to step foot in the car, close the door, and drive in complete silence. Motherhood never ever ends. It's there at 3 in the morning when a little one has wandered into your room and proceeds to puke all over the place. It's there when the sun just begins to rise in the sound of two hungry boys. It's there at 10:30 at night when you are saying goodnight to your oldest. Always there. And yes I hear the voices of all the beautiful old ladies that tell me time and time again, enjoy these times, they are gone before you know it. Really? Wait...didn't I just have a huge belly? Wasn't it just yesterday when I couldn't turn over in bed without help? And now they are almost 5 months old, beginning to form personalities, smiliing all the time and even an ocasional giggle. Yes, time does go by too fast. So while I'm enjoying it, I know that in order to fully enjoy it, I need to get out once in a while away from the demands of mothering and refresh myself so that I can be a better me when I am both away from my littles and with them, cause being ME is being a Mother, a tired one, but an Excellent one. So today as soon as my daughter gets home, I'm taking a drive, the dirty floor can wait, the dishes don't mind sitting just a little bit longer, I will come back refreshed and enjoy my welcoming comittee, and their hugs will remind me why I choose to do this with my life each and every hour...

I love firsts...

After tandem nursing the twins following their bath, Judah fell asleep when finished, but Zion locked right in on my eyes and gave me his first real smile. Nothing makes my heart sing like that first sweet reminder that yes, I am their Mama. I love firsts :)

Have I ever said....

I love being your Mom? All of you really. You all impart to me a special piece, that without you I wouldn't be whole. But tonight I'm going to focus on the 4 little men in my life.
Coco, although you ruffle my feathers multiple times a day, it's your constant hugs that put them back at rest. Your gentle ways with your new baby brothers is enough to make me forget your last offense that had me biting back my anger and wondering what had gotten into you! Watching you help me rub down with lotion your baby brother after his bath tonight had me marveling how much you're growing up into a sweet young man.
Malacai, your name means "My (Jehovah's) Messenger who rejoices" and although I know one day you will be His messenger to many, today, you are His messenger to your Mama. You make me rejoice. Your eyes are a constant reminder of God's love, as they are so full of innocence and true joy. Tonight, I told you it was time for bed, and got busy doing something else. When I remembered your bed time, I couldn't find you, and called your name. You called out in your deep voice "I'm on bed Mom". And there you were, patiently waiting for me to change and dress you. As I helped you put on your pj bottoms, and your little but strong arms wrapped so tightly around my neck, and your lips found my cheek, I quickly blinked away the tears of the joy, rejoicing in your sweet, pure love.
And now the twins...well you are just pure refreshing cuddlebugs. A true gift from above. A miracle. One baby, whose destiny will be so great, God knew you needed not just a Father, Mother, sister or brother, but an identical brother, a DNA match, someone so close you'll be able to finish eachothers sentences. Which one you started out as will always be a mystery. You split into two blessings, separated by a miraculous membrane keeping you safe...
And yes you are the reason for my exhaustion, but for now I will look beyond the endless sleepless nights, and the continuous nursing, and enjoy every sweet sigh, all the adorable stretching, the heaviness of your perfect heads as they lay on my sholders. Your tiny toes, your fingers wrapped tightly around my finger, your milky breath, your baby scented hair, and your exhausting yawns, all the adorable newborn moments I will not rush, but cherish.
There is nothing in this world capable of making me want to be anything but your Mama, for that is my destiny, my joy. Everyone of you fills a place in my heart, and are the reason for the sigh of contentment as my day is done. Can you hear it?