My house, my home

It's not perfect, it's not spotless, somedays I'm lucky if I can call it clean. But it's my house, my home. It shelters my babes, it warms us from the cold, it holds us together when the world would rather us be separated, each doing their own thing. It comforts the heart...Its our home. Don't diss it, don't tell me it's out of control cause it's messier then yours. Last I checked there's 10 people living here in these walls, that means it's impossible for it to look like yours for longer than 10 minutes. I'm so glad my house looks like it does, pencil drawings on the walls, fingerprints on the windows, and bottles in the sink. That may say disorder to you, but to me it screams LIFE! Our life. And our life wouldn't be the same without tracks of wet snow in our entryway from a chilled child who just made a snow fort and is now seeking the warmth of our kitchen and a mug of hot cocoa. It wouldn't be the same without damp towels in the bathroom from a marathon bathtime of 7 in and out of the tub, water all over the floor from splashing eachother. There WILL be toys everywhere because toys are "played" with here, not merely looked at. There will be crumbs on the floor because my children actually eat here, not at daycare or fastfood. There will be laundry because I prefer my children to wear clean clothes and look nice. You WILL find things hidden underneath couches and beds because our children help clean their home and are still learning that we don't cram things into hiding places. These walls. They are called our home, and I will be content in the clutter and the chaos that many little ones bring. I will even celebrate it and refuse to let it stress me out. One day they'll be grown and in homes of their own, and my house will be clean, spotless even, but no doubt it will be lonely...and lonely is one thing I never am now. Because of my home. It's full of living, sweet breathing individuals. Individuals who call these four walls their home.

Ahhhhh....

I love my home, I do. But there are days (like today!) that I need to leave it all behind...leave the cooking behind, the changing diapers, the making bottles, the nursing, the correcting, the folding, the switching, the sweeping, (wait! Didn't I just sweep this floor 10 minutes ago?) the never empty sink, no matter how many times I unload and load the dishwasher...I need to step foot in the car, close the door, and drive in complete silence. Motherhood never ever ends. It's there at 3 in the morning when a little one has wandered into your room and proceeds to puke all over the place. It's there when the sun just begins to rise in the sound of two hungry boys. It's there at 10:30 at night when you are saying goodnight to your oldest. Always there. And yes I hear the voices of all the beautiful old ladies that tell me time and time again, enjoy these times, they are gone before you know it. Really? Wait...didn't I just have a huge belly? Wasn't it just yesterday when I couldn't turn over in bed without help? And now they are almost 5 months old, beginning to form personalities, smiliing all the time and even an ocasional giggle. Yes, time does go by too fast. So while I'm enjoying it, I know that in order to fully enjoy it, I need to get out once in a while away from the demands of mothering and refresh myself so that I can be a better me when I am both away from my littles and with them, cause being ME is being a Mother, a tired one, but an Excellent one. So today as soon as my daughter gets home, I'm taking a drive, the dirty floor can wait, the dishes don't mind sitting just a little bit longer, I will come back refreshed and enjoy my welcoming comittee, and their hugs will remind me why I choose to do this with my life each and every hour...

I love firsts...

After tandem nursing the twins following their bath, Judah fell asleep when finished, but Zion locked right in on my eyes and gave me his first real smile. Nothing makes my heart sing like that first sweet reminder that yes, I am their Mama. I love firsts :)

Have I ever said....

I love being your Mom? All of you really. You all impart to me a special piece, that without you I wouldn't be whole. But tonight I'm going to focus on the 4 little men in my life.
Coco, although you ruffle my feathers multiple times a day, it's your constant hugs that put them back at rest. Your gentle ways with your new baby brothers is enough to make me forget your last offense that had me biting back my anger and wondering what had gotten into you! Watching you help me rub down with lotion your baby brother after his bath tonight had me marveling how much you're growing up into a sweet young man.
Malacai, your name means "My (Jehovah's) Messenger who rejoices" and although I know one day you will be His messenger to many, today, you are His messenger to your Mama. You make me rejoice. Your eyes are a constant reminder of God's love, as they are so full of innocence and true joy. Tonight, I told you it was time for bed, and got busy doing something else. When I remembered your bed time, I couldn't find you, and called your name. You called out in your deep voice "I'm on bed Mom". And there you were, patiently waiting for me to change and dress you. As I helped you put on your pj bottoms, and your little but strong arms wrapped so tightly around my neck, and your lips found my cheek, I quickly blinked away the tears of the joy, rejoicing in your sweet, pure love.
And now the twins...well you are just pure refreshing cuddlebugs. A true gift from above. A miracle. One baby, whose destiny will be so great, God knew you needed not just a Father, Mother, sister or brother, but an identical brother, a DNA match, someone so close you'll be able to finish eachothers sentences. Which one you started out as will always be a mystery. You split into two blessings, separated by a miraculous membrane keeping you safe...
And yes you are the reason for my exhaustion, but for now I will look beyond the endless sleepless nights, and the continuous nursing, and enjoy every sweet sigh, all the adorable stretching, the heaviness of your perfect heads as they lay on my sholders. Your tiny toes, your fingers wrapped tightly around my finger, your milky breath, your baby scented hair, and your exhausting yawns, all the adorable newborn moments I will not rush, but cherish.
There is nothing in this world capable of making me want to be anything but your Mama, for that is my destiny, my joy. Everyone of you fills a place in my heart, and are the reason for the sigh of contentment as my day is done. Can you hear it?

Happy Birthday Rhema and Coco!

10 years ago today I thought I was dying as I gave birth to my first baby. I knew labor was going to be hard, but nothing prepared me for the 23 hours of no relief. God came in that room at 525am when sapped of strength, and told csection was planned, I cried out to my Father, and in one moment, a peace flooded the room that had even the nurses crying. With one final push, out she came, a baby girl with a head full of dark hair. We named her Rhema (the spoken Word of God) Summer, because God had spoken and birthed so many things in our lives during the summer time. What a gift God gave us in Rhema! She continues to grow more lovely every year!

7 years ago today I entered the hospital in the morning to be induced, as this baby was happy camping out in mommy for an additional 2 weeks! By 2 in the afternoon after a very quick labor, I gave birth to our first son, a whoping 10 pound baby boy. He was so late, he coo-ed at his daddy while he was being weighed! He took his Dads name, which his little sisters pronounced " Coco" He truly is a mini-me of his dad, no one better for him to mirror, and today he told me he wants to play football AND be a preacher! There is no boy on earth who has as much "boy" in him and yet remains so sweet and gentle hearted. To see him with his twin baby brothers is to see true love manifested.

Happy Birthday my loves! Even though I know you don't like sharing a birthday, I know somehow your destiny is tied together... I'm truly proud to be your mother. I have no greater joy than this...

The party is inside

There's a party inside me. Beyond feet, and toes, hands, fists, and elbows squishing and moving all around, there is a quiet excitement that is beginning to build by the day. I'm realizing as the movements get much stronger and forceful, that these moments are soon to be gone, and the twins will no longer be wrestling inside, they will be in my arms.

What will these little ones look like? What will their personalities be? I sometimes find myself with a nervous tingle inside, realizing that in just a few short weeks, I will be embarking on a whole new world. The world of multiples. Not only multiples, but identical ones.

I got into a conversation the other day with my neighbor who is an identical twin. She told me of a time when she had her blood drawn, and her sister was at school. The sister was squeemish around blood, so they didn't tell her where her twin was going. When she had her blood drawn, her parents received a call saying the sister had fainted in class, at the EXACT time her twin was having her blood drawn.

A girl from my church married an identical twin. The other day at a the soft ball field, I asked her if her husband and his twin truly did have a secret language. She affirmed all I've been reading. Not only do they have their own language, they also both went into the army, and still to this day can't go one day without talking...

So while I am a bit concerned about how our already large family will handle the addition of not one but two more, I can't help but with the anxiousness, also feel honored to watch something so unique and so uncommon take place right under our own roof...one person who was just one person for 8 days, split into two people...

Who started first? I will always wonder that. And what is he going to do that the Lord saw that his destiny would be so great, he needed not just a mother, a father, a sister or even a brother, but an identical brother, bonded together by the same DNA. That fact alone truly is worth the sleepless nights, severe morning sickness, constant uncomfortableness, heartburn and headaches I've endured these last 8 months.

I love you Judah and Zion, and I can't wait to meet you.

Watching you grow will be an art. An art that I am master of, and I will forever study the wonder that is YOU. (both)

PUPPIES

We have beautiful 2 week old puppies for sale! Of course from our champion bloodline Golden, Bridges of Gold. We bred her with a AKC standard black poodle. The results were astounding, absolutely beautiful puppies!

We are starting the price off at $1,200 with a $200 deposit to hold the puppy of choice.

Well I guess my promise to write more has failed again. I need some kind of incentive to write everyday, or I just let that day pass me by, unremembored.

Things are going well, I'm almost 32 weeks with the twins. We have decided on the names Zion Israel and Judah Legend. I would say that I am 85% ready, I still have a few more necessities to get, but for the most part I'm ready. I would like to do some more knitting, which I've been saving for these last few weeks where my energy is low, which it is! Everything I do takes so much more effort. My belly is so large, I find it hard to do laundry, give baths, change diapers, because everything you stand near is belly level.

I went to my Moms for 2 days this week to rest and recoup. It was so nice and peaceful there. No one talking, just the birds, and talk about beautiful weather. I woke up the two mornings I was there to the sun shining bright and the birds singing loudly outside my window.

Yesterday's Dr.s appointment went well, although I've lost another 2 lbs, which they were not to thrilled with, and I'm anemic, so I have to go on a heavy duty iron pill since I have a higher risk of c-section, my blood level cannot be low.

I'm tired today, I've been going non stop lately, but today I have no energy, so the girls have a friend over, the baby is sleeping and the boys are watching veggie tales....and I'm in bed. Its a good day for it, rainy and chilly...all I need is a fire place in my room and it would be perfect.

I promise myself to write more!

I can't believe another month has gone by since I've blogged, shame on me! The babies are growing bigger every day, I'm excited for when they are more active, right now, I still don't feel them as much as I'd like to! But 19 weeks has come and gone, and with each day, I get less sick, praise the Lord!

But they are 100% boys and 100% identical...I have my work cut out for me.

I had a busy day today, much of it was weary, but at the end of the day, my GG escaped from getting her PJs on and ran blissfully through the house naked. It gave me such joy to watch her glee as she ran from me. She would stop every few minutes, and scratch her little hiney with a huge smile, and keep running...there is NOTHING like a beautiful streaker to cheer a mama up!