A cry from the heart

Who through this avails
Lost loyalty
Sighs from much betrayl
How can this be

Yet You calm the storms
That rage all around
a song of praise still forms
For Your faithfulness abounds

And we sing to you
Cause it's all we can do
When we doubt we'll make it through
It's You we look to

You had a plan all along
A valley for us to walk through
Even with all the wrong
You're grace will make all new

So for now we will ask
That some memories will fade
It's not an easy task
But our burdens we have laid

And we will choose to see
The beauty all around
Who you've destined us to be
Is still waiting to be found

So our hearts are filled
With both joy and sadness
Your will be fulfilled
Your blessings are countless

One step at a time
Onward we will move
This mountain we will climb
Our lives you'll improve

You silence our enemies
You are our defender
All darkness flees
And we completely surrender

My baby boy is 4, and he's always been special. He recognized his letters and said them, both upper and lowercase at 18 months, but never spoke words until he was 3. He could buckle and unbuckle things at 1, and therefore his favorite toy was his sisters highschool musical helmet.

Then he graduated to cars. His matchbox cars had to be a certain style, and they always had to line up just so, and no one was allowed to touch them. He loved anything to do with video games...he would be 2 and mastering Curious George games on the computer that were meant for 5 year olds.

Yet at 3 he didn't tell us when he went outside, and we'd realize he was missing, only to find him up the street staring at the street drain...so I had a security system installed. Not because I felt our neighborhood was unsafe, but because the doors would chime to tell me when they opened and which door he left from.

We could leave him for the evening with a person he barely knew, and as long as they met his needs and his routine was not disrupted, he wouldn't even notice we were gone. He can master an ipad/iPod/iPhone and even watch/read instructions in Chinese. He masters Xbox lego games that are meant for 8+ year olds, and then will refuse to play it anymore lol. And yet he's my first to clear his plate, and throw away his trash, and put his clothes in the laundry. He likes things "just so" and despises having people invade his space.

One time me, my sister and my mom went to the beach and all the other kids would sit by us and if they walked away would make sure they knew where we were. Not Cai. He'd just walk away to explore...and he did. All 3 of us screamed at once, "where's Cai?" my heart stopped, I thought for sure id lost him in the sea of people, strangers he had no fear of...it took 10 minutes of looking between umbrellas and sandy bodies, and we found him staring at the playground 500 yards away from where our blanket was...See? He's special.

But tonight I felt I was special. He was upstairs playing his toy story game and I had to rock Zion to sleep. All the other kids were outside playing basketball. He realized he was alone, and started calling my name. When I didn't answer, he got louder. I finally got Zion to sleep and when I came out he was staring at the door crying. I picked him up (not an easy task, he's 4 and the size of a 6 year old!) and he put both hands on my face and said "you not answer, I could not find you" my heart rejoiced, not at his sadness of course, but that he was finally aware that I was "here". I, his mama, am his safety security.

I always wondered what would happen if he got lost at a store or a fair. Would he even notice? But now I know. Yes he would, and I am so glad. Yeah he is special, but I love him more than words can express. And someday, he'll either be a softhearted running back, or a programer for Apple. Either way he has a bright future and we celebrate him :)

Grocery Shopping

So last grocery store I went into I ran into two people I'd rather not see...ever...but still said hi as sweetly as i could...this trip I decided to hit another store. I go to the express lane with my 14 items and the lady huffs at me as she pulls my veggies oother the basket, and says "in the future, don't come to this lane, this is for 10 items or less. She sighs as she begins bagging my items so I smile real brightly and start bagging my stuff (all 4 bags) and say "have a blessed day"...when I really wanted to..........

Now mind you, this is minutes after I take a trip to the farm where we get our raw milk, eggs, and meat. There I almost fell carrying in the crates of empty glass bottles on the icey driveway-eh mud road... I get in there and load a new crate full of beautiful new bottles of fresh milk, and as I go to leave and heave the crates up, one of the bottles was overfilled and spills all over me. I get out and it's a flippin snowsorm out when just 5 min ago it was sunny!

And as my kids enjoy their maple spun cotton candy and their raw milk icecream I drive home soaked, cold and uptight making sure I am carefull in the midst of a squall!!! So that lady got off real easy lol

And I will happily make Thai tonight with the 14 ingredients (instead of 10) and joyously pour my babies raw milk for their goodnight drinks and thank God that I held my temper and maintained my sanctification hahaha

Oooooyy

I woke up this morning overhearing my girls talking about Justin Bieber. I thought the obsession was contained but yesterdays movie experience for them put their craze over the top. Faith says to Rhema "sigh, I just can't stop thinking about him!" Rhema says "I just want to meet him! I had a dream that he gave me 30 tickets to see him everywhere he went" Faith respsonds "you know what's so sad??? He doesn't even know we exist! How can we change that?". I laughed outloud and they realized i was listenig...ahh Faith, always the one to need an answer to everything lol

And if that wasn't enough, Rhema takes me aside and says to me "I did something in the bathroom" Ooy, I was dreading what she would say because of what our family had just been thru, but was instantly relieved when she said she had shaved her legs!

Relief soon turned to shock as I realized my oldest is swiftly becoming a young lady and quite without my consent! Please, please stay as naive as possible! Continue playing store and dollhouse!!! I'm not ready for this yet...

But alas, life never does stay the same, and we are forced to let them grow and go, for we are just their caretakers along their journey of life. I just wish we could freeze certain moments like their birth...that feeling of relief and joy all in one, or their heavy downy head as it rests on your shoulder...their first goofy smile, their first coo as they lock eyes and try and tell you they love you. The first time they discover their hand, and that it goes with them everywhere. That first giggle that you want to capture a million times over. Their first taste of food and the expression they give as they gag on a new texture. Their first time sitting up, then toppling over, and their gusty cry of shock. That first wobbling step and then, then you realize your in for it! The journey now has truly begun...and here I am, in shock that my oldest shaved her legs all by herself! And so I finish the note just how I started it...OOY!!!