A moving prayer

I know we are called. I know we are meant to be in Texas. I know God is opening doors, windows and skylights. I know He is orchastrating details and fitting the pieces of the puzzle of our lives perfectly. All I ask Lord is that the ache in my heart for my kids will lessen. They are leaving behind all they know to be constant and secure. Memories, their home, their big back yard that's been a treasure chest of adventures...frogs, fallen logs to ballance on, crows to scare, deer to silently watch, rocks to climb, swings to soar, woods to explore, wildflowers to pick, mudpies, colorful, bright leaves to rake and jump in, snowmen to create...then there's their friends and neighbors who feel more like family then mere street sharers...family, cousins, grandparents, family vacations at the lake, and so much more...

Give me wisdom to say the right words to them, and the patience to continually ease their fears. Give me extra love and grace to always find the strength to offer one more hug and and one more reasurring smile. They are Your children before they are mine. You care for them so much more than I ever could. You have their best interests at heart and know their future is bright. I trust You, I move forward with joy and anticipation knowing this is Your leading, and where You lead and we obey, there are blessings to be found. So thank You for the peace that passes all understanding, both in my heart and in my babies hearts, amen.

one year ago today...

My life changed forever...I became the mom of multiples. The day started early, as I was already in the hospital on bed rest and had been for over a week...I walked to the labor room with all the dark predictions of my doctors flying around my hormonal head, I would need a blood transfusion, my blood type was on hand, I more than likely would need a csection, the babies would probably have breathing issues, I would have a challenging time breastfeeding twins...the walk of 300 feet seemed like a mile. I can remember screaming in my head "ALL is WELL!!! If God can supernaturally grow a membrane to keep my babies safe, He CAN and WILL cause all things to work together for mine and my babies good!".

Eight hours later after a quick and difficult labor, I was holding two beautiful pink baby boys, with a head full of dark hair, who both latched on right away and breathed and cried with gusto.

This year was the hardest year of my life. And while I could cry and say I should have had more help, or i should have just mortgaged our house and hired help, I wouldn't change a thing knowing what I know now.

Two years ago if someone woud have told me that God allows challenges and trials in your life to teach you something, I would have called them a heretic...how could an all loving God be a scitzo lol. But if I had all kinds of help, If all the people who promised they'd come over and change diapers and help with late night feedings actually DID come, I wouldn't have had to trust in God and Him alone to bring me through day by day (and most days it was minute by minute)

If me and my husband got through this year by ourselves, this year of four in diapers, sleepless nights when you looked at the day before you and realized you have 8 others depending on you to stay awake, feed them, clothe them, clean up after them all on 3 hours of sleep, day after day then we can literally go through anything that the world shoves at us, as long as we are together...

I made it almost 9 months breastfeeding both babies, I got through all the sleepless nights, all the diaper changes where I had an assembly line going, I made it through the heartbreaking leaving of our oldest adopted daughter, the challenges of being married to a full time pastor, and having a son diagnosed with special needs...

And I'm alive, and more importantly I know who I am and who I am not...I am first a child of the most high God, He is my Abba Father, the Shepard of my soul, the lover of my heart...Second I am a very blessed wife of the best man in the world, he completes me, fulfills me, and treasures me, third I am a mom of many blessings who are my daily joy and my God calling... With those three, I am complete, without them I'd be lost.

So happy first year my baby boys who even though you don't talk, don't walk, make huge messes, and still depend on me for everything, have taught me more than the greatest scholars...you are my blue-eyed heavenly messengers who whisper to me daily that I can do ALL things through CHRIST who has never failed to strengthen me, and who will continue to strengthen me. I can with all confidence move into this next season of our life, this giant leap of faith, moving our family away from everything they know and love for the sake of the calling...

I'm snuggling your curly hair that smells like sweet baby, squishing your chubby thighs and kissing your soft cheeks, you are my reminder that I am loved, my angel whisperers, my identical baby boys of destiny, happy birthday Loves...I celebrate you...