Day 20...the twins...

October 2009 I became very ill. I began suspecting pregnancy right away, and sure enough I had a blaring (and I mean no denying line) on my pregnancy test. I knew my dates could not be wrong, so I immediately began thinking something was up, especially the sicker I became.

When we were dating our friend Paul Springer told us the number of children we would have and that we would have twins. Every pregnancy he would joke until we confirmed that it was ONE baby that this was the time we would have twins. I never really took him serious until those first few weeks of this pregnancy!!! At our church in NH, I had to stop my weekly teaching because I was so sick. I whispered to my friend Lynn why, that I was again expecting, to which she squeezed me and said "ITS TWINS!"

So the sicker I became, the more I joked around with the kids and Cisco that it had to be twins! Around 7 weeks along, I cried out to my Dr. who had delivered the last 2, and was quite familiar with me, (therefore he knew I was NOT a cry baby lol). I told him I was throwing up 12+ times a day. He asked me to come in, and when he examined me, he sent me to ultrasound. I laid on the table and immediately saw three blobs, to which I proclaimed "AHHH, its TRIPLETS!"

But thankfully the 3rd "blob" was just the yolk sac, and the nurse promptly said no, but there are TWO babies, to which Cisco said "TWINS" She was very nice and said "yes, twins means two babies" lol

She scanned me on that table for what seemed like forever. At one point I asked her if all was well, and she sighed and said "I can't find a membrane, the doctor will have to tell you more" So of course I became concerned. I went home and starting googling. Never really a good idea usually, but for me it allowed me to know what to pray against.

You see, there are two types of twins:

1. fraternal (Two separate eggs are dropped during a woman's ovulation, to which two separate sperm fertilize--these types of twins always develop their own amniotic sac and placenta) This is usually hereditary..

2. Identical (One egg drops during ovulation, one sperm fertilizes the egg, and at some point in the cell dividing process, the embryo splits into two separate babies.) With identicals, depending on how early or how late they split will either develop two separate sacs and placentas, or if they split late, they will be in the same amniotic sac and share a placenta. The later being much more of a complicated and dangerous pregnancy.

So that first night on google I realized that I was carrying identical twins, and that they were defined as Mono-Mono twins, meaning they shared the same sac, and the same placenta.

About 2 days after that ultrasound I heard from my Dr. who told me what I already knew. He told me to prepare for a high risk pregnancy, entering hospitalized bed rest by 24 weeks gestation so the babies could be continually monitored. He told me that they split late in the dividing process and that if they would have split one day later, they would have been conjoined twins (Miracle #1) He also told me he discussed my case with his board of Doctors, and they felt the babies had a 50% mortality rate, that being in the same sac was so dangerous because they could entangle each other in each others umbilical cords. (he gave me the analogy of two dogs being tied to the same tree, and what a mess that would be) He also warned me of twin to twin transfusion, meaning since they shared one placenta (one food source) there was a good chance that one baby would get all the nourishment, while the other basically starved...sounds like a positive phone call huh? lol

After that first ultrasound, I had weekly ones to determine the health of the babies. Being so sick I had plenty of time to do nothing but pray. My prayer was this

"Lord, you gave me these babies, you did not give them to me to take them away. If you can create such a miracle as one baby being split into two separate babies, both unique, but both sharing exact DNA, then you can certainly grow a dividing membrane to keep them safe and allow my placenta to nourish them both"

Again I took out Jackie Mize's book Supernatural Childbirth and began reading it over and over and over again.

On my 13th week ultrasound, 6 weeks after the first one, I laid down on the table, preparing myself to be there for a while, when suddenly I hear my Doctor say "Oh my, there's the membrane" I almost jumped off the table in joy and yes even a little bit of unbelief! I made him confirm it over and over again. But there it was, this miraculous whisper of a membrane, the thickness of a sheet of saran wrap, but just enough to keep my babies safe from each other's cords. Praise the Lord (Miracle #2)

The rest of my pregnancy was pretty much miserable. I was huge, I had no appetite, I had horrendous heart burn, nausea, and couldn't sleep from being so uncomfortable. At 35 weeks I was put on hospitalized bed-rest for the last weeks for the beginning of pre-eclampsia. God bless my husband and his father who held down the fort with 5 little ones!

At 36 weeks they felt it was time, so I was induced and was able to give birth naturally after a 6 hour labor. Both boys cried and nursed right away, a miracle for twins, and boys at that, born 4 weeks early (miracle #3)

I wish I could give you an account of their first year but I'd be lying if I said I remembered much of it. It honestly was a blur! I went through the blues, insomnia, nursing issues, and so much more, but the fact is I MADE IT! (miracle #4!) I was able to nurse both of them for 9 months and they both received my milk for at least one feeding a day till their first birthday (miracle #5!)

There were five, okay, six things I could not have made it through without (no judging here!)

1. The Lord, he truly was my Solid Rock and my Refuge

2. My husband who never left my side, and was always there to help change diapers, burp babies, and so much more...

3. My older children who were a big help in so many ways (thank you Katie, Faith and Rhema!)

4. My best friend Amanda, who also had twins the same age as mine. It was such a comfort knowing she was just a text away to complain to, ask a question, ask for prayer, share the cute things our babies were doing and to just be there...

5. PopPop and MomMom who helped so many different times, I don't know a grandfather alive who would take on what PopPop did--even so far as watching them when they were 10 months for an entire week when we were given a timeshare at disney!

6. (here comes the no judgment part): the occasional glass of wine for those extra stressful days and nights. I joke around with friends and say I never tasted alcohol before the twins, but really I meant it. I thank the Lord I allowed my mom to talk me into drinking an occasional glass at night to calm me down, de`stress me and allow me to rest up for the next full day (Love you Mom! :)

So there it is in a long nutshell...the twins are now 17 months old. Judah we call the sensitive lover. He is always second to do things. He cut his first tooth 2nd, he sat up second, crawled second and walked about 2 months after his brother took his first step. He loves to be cuddled, especially by the men in his life...daddy, pop pop, pepe and pastor lol. He's a true daddy's boy and falls on the floor in a complete mess of tears when daddy walks past him or leaves the house.

Zion is the daring one. He always stands in his highchair, went from walking to running in days, and has a sparkle in his eye that screams mischief. His favorite thing to do is make his brother laugh. (See video)

Even though at times my life is crazy, and some days I wonder if the volcanic mountain of laundry will consume me with its spilling over lava, I can't help but focus on the blessings.

7 healthy beautiful children, each unique, each a miracle...

I'll finish this post with two recent pictures of the boys and a link for pictures of their first 12 months...thank you for reading and encouraging me with your words, it means so much to know that my writing is blessing others, even in small ways!

Link to pictures:

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2132004938337.2119224.1192416097&type=1&l=df299eac78

Day 12...Rhema Summer

Today I'll continue my thanksgiving month with the start of each of my children beginning with the oldest, Rhema. When Cisco and I were engaged, we both had to go to that lovely pre-marriage Dr appointment, where we were both told our chances of having a baby were slim since Cisco had a severe case of the chicken pox at 19. So you can imagine my surprise when 3 months into our marriage, we discovered we were pregnant :) (miracle #1 of many...)

Cisco was convinced the baby was a boy, and even stood up in a service declaring that we would have ourselves a preacher. When I delivered, my husband and mom were both whispering "here he comes" then as she made her way earthward, the midwife declared it's not a he it's a she! We were both in love instantly, by 9 months we questioned our name choice, as "Rhema" means "spoken word" in Greek, and she was already saying words like "hi" and "bye". People in the grocery store would hear "hi" and stare in disbelief at the baby still in the infant carrier that was talking, and she hasn't stopped since!

When she was 12 months, I noticed she had a large bump on her back. I showed my mom and we were all concerned. Her pediatrician made us an appointment with a spine doctor, who told us she had a severe case of scoliosis and would need immediate disk fuzing surgery or be fitted for a brace she would wear 24 hours a day till she was 16. At that point we were too stunned (and young!) to make such a drastic decision. We asked if we could have time to pray and think about it. The Dr gave us 6 weeks. In those 6 weeks we prayed over her daily and every night as we laid her down, we believed for a miracle. After those 6 weeks, we brought her back and she had one more X-ray, the dr came in and held up the old one to the new one and just shook his head, declaring a miracle even though he was an atheist. She has had yearly check ups ever since and her spine remains perfectly straight. What an amazing God we serve!

Now at 11, she is blossoming into a beautiful young lady with a heart of compassion and a gift for hospitality. She sings like and angel and has the emotions of a...ehem...lol. I wouldn't be surprised if someday she does become that preacher after all, we love her so much, and for her we are truly grateful...

Today I am thankful for
Gods leading. Having already taken Faith out of public school and seeing such a positive change in her, I've been praying for a clear cut direction from the Lord about each of the other children, as I don't believe what's best for one is "always" best for the rest, kwim? Recently my heart has been heavy for my oldest, Rhema, knowing she's needing something...something more than what she's getting and its majorly showing in her attitude. Today, I walked in to Mardels with my husband, and I know how he can get lost in this "Walmart-sized" bible book store (haha) so i
tell him I'm going to browse the schooling section. While walking the aisles, the manager of the store asks me if I'm finding everything, I reply yes, he then asks me if I'm a teacher, I say I homeschool. He says "do you want some stuff for free?" (and sorry for my negative attitude here, but initially I thought "must be junk they just want to get rid of" lol.) But I humored him and said yes! I followed him and he shows me 3 huge bins of books, materials, and lessons...all free. I
walked out of the store with over $500 worth of homeschooling supplies, DVDs and books for free, a huge smile on my face and assurance in my heart that yes, God is leading me. One step at a time, one child at a time, I seek to serve the Lord, and know He's patient enough to lead me the way He knows I'll listen and "get it", and for that I'm truly grateful...

Before I get down to the sentimental family stuff Im sure this month of thankfulness will bring, I'll say how greatful I am for a wonderful neighbor. Leaving Milford, one of the hardest things for me was leaving behind my neighbors. It was so hard that I refused to say goodbye... Her kids were my kids, and my kids were hers. We borrowed sugar, switched babysitting, decorated cupcakes, and celebrated birthdays. We chased down our barefooted kids as the speeded off in their bikes without helmets and our closets were filled with each others kids shoes, mittens and hats lol... For the first weeks in this new house there'd be times I'd yell at the kids, "just go to the neighbors!" then realize what I said and choke a laugh out instead of crying in front of the kids. When we skyped them the first time and heard their voices in my kitchen I sobbed, the ache was too much. Then finally i met my new neighbor, and her oldest son hit it off with Coco and Cai, and while I still miss my neighbors from NH (and they promised to come visit ehem!) my heart is comforted to know I can walk to a friendly face and borrow batteries or salt if I need to. And so while they'll never be replaced, the void is a bit lessened knowing I'm blessed again to have a wonderful neighbor and friend, and for that I'm thankful...

one year ago today...

My life changed forever...I became the mom of multiples. The day started early, as I was already in the hospital on bed rest and had been for over a week...I walked to the labor room with all the dark predictions of my doctors flying around my hormonal head, I would need a blood transfusion, my blood type was on hand, I more than likely would need a csection, the babies would probably have breathing issues, I would have a challenging time breastfeeding twins...the walk of 300 feet seemed like a mile. I can remember screaming in my head "ALL is WELL!!! If God can supernaturally grow a membrane to keep my babies safe, He CAN and WILL cause all things to work together for mine and my babies good!".

Eight hours later after a quick and difficult labor, I was holding two beautiful pink baby boys, with a head full of dark hair, who both latched on right away and breathed and cried with gusto.

This year was the hardest year of my life. And while I could cry and say I should have had more help, or i should have just mortgaged our house and hired help, I wouldn't change a thing knowing what I know now.

Two years ago if someone woud have told me that God allows challenges and trials in your life to teach you something, I would have called them a heretic...how could an all loving God be a scitzo lol. But if I had all kinds of help, If all the people who promised they'd come over and change diapers and help with late night feedings actually DID come, I wouldn't have had to trust in God and Him alone to bring me through day by day (and most days it was minute by minute)

If me and my husband got through this year by ourselves, this year of four in diapers, sleepless nights when you looked at the day before you and realized you have 8 others depending on you to stay awake, feed them, clothe them, clean up after them all on 3 hours of sleep, day after day then we can literally go through anything that the world shoves at us, as long as we are together...

I made it almost 9 months breastfeeding both babies, I got through all the sleepless nights, all the diaper changes where I had an assembly line going, I made it through the heartbreaking leaving of our oldest adopted daughter, the challenges of being married to a full time pastor, and having a son diagnosed with special needs...

And I'm alive, and more importantly I know who I am and who I am not...I am first a child of the most high God, He is my Abba Father, the Shepard of my soul, the lover of my heart...Second I am a very blessed wife of the best man in the world, he completes me, fulfills me, and treasures me, third I am a mom of many blessings who are my daily joy and my God calling... With those three, I am complete, without them I'd be lost.

So happy first year my baby boys who even though you don't talk, don't walk, make huge messes, and still depend on me for everything, have taught me more than the greatest scholars...you are my blue-eyed heavenly messengers who whisper to me daily that I can do ALL things through CHRIST who has never failed to strengthen me, and who will continue to strengthen me. I can with all confidence move into this next season of our life, this giant leap of faith, moving our family away from everything they know and love for the sake of the calling...

I'm snuggling your curly hair that smells like sweet baby, squishing your chubby thighs and kissing your soft cheeks, you are my reminder that I am loved, my angel whisperers, my identical baby boys of destiny, happy birthday Loves...I celebrate you...

Mother's Day 2011

Rhema: you are developing into a beautiful young lady. I love your voice, when you sing, tears come to my eyes every time.

Faith: you are a pint sized power house of intellect and wisdom. Many times you shock me with your reasoning. You are my big helper, and I love your heart that strives to please...

Coco: what can I say? You are all boy, but I wouldn't have it anyother way. And while you frustrate me with your constant complaining and bad attitude, I'll turn around and see you loving on your baby brothers or kissing GGs boo-boo...

Malacai: you are my gentle giant. Your feet pound the floor as you run :) Your eyes pour out compassion and love, and your hugs are the best!

Gloria: you are the impitamy of a princess girl! You will run away causing much frustration then run right back and kiss me or dad as hard as you can with so much passion its impossible to stay mad! You adore makeup, Cinderella, and shoes!

Judah and Zion: you are the light of my life, watching you interact is better than the best tv show out there. You are my two chubbub little men who give me so much joy!

Babe: thank you for making me a mama almost 11 years ago, you gave me the best 7 gifts of all. I love you and am happy to be by your side.

Mom: thank you for giving me the best example to live by. I love you, you are my best friend.

God: I know I fail many many times, I know I yell too much, I loose my cool, I can be too self centered, I second guess my decisions and sometimes want to run away, and as my mom says when I do take a break, and it comes to an end: "it's back to reality" ...But I wouldn't trade my reality for all the riches of this world. So while I fail miserably at mothering at times, Your grace is sufficient in my weakness, and I thank You for seeing fit to bless me abundantly, may I always strive to be more like You and be the best mother to my 7 blessings I can be...