The Error of "Faith"

Coming out of the "word of faith doctrine" that we've been in for the last 8 years, I would love to share my true feelings of how destructive this teaching is, as well as be transparent in our error.


What exactly is faith? Is it belief that God exists? Is it trusting in things unseen? How do we get it, how can we acquire enough to "move mountains"?  If I'm struggling in my marriage, in my health, if I don't know how my electric will stay on next month, does that mean I have no faith? I used to believe that yes, people who were struggling were so called faithless.  They didn't have enough gumption to believe that their electric would stay on, or that their marriage would heal.  They obviously were NOT confessing enough, or saying the right scriptures over their lives.  And sickness? If their was a "word of faith believer" sick, you better believe that he was told he didn't have enough faith, or that he didn't tithe or give enough money to his Father in the faith.  Bondage...


I am ashamed to say that when my kids were sick, I'd pretend they were not.  Instead of being the motherly comforter, I'd tell them they needed to confess they were healed by the stripes of Jesus, that while they are experiencing symptoms, they should carry on and not act sick.  How stupid could I be? I was living in denial and pride. Christians who believe this way are no different then the humanistic people who follow the book "The Secret".  I've heard the stories, or should I say pride in the parents who follow this heresy say "My children have not been sick in 5 years, sure they've had symptoms, but they go in a matter of days" People? Get real! Most kids get sick with the common cold and are better in 2 days.  God has made our bodies to fight off pathogens and sickness.  Your kids would have gotten better whether you confessed a million times, prayed in tongues over them, or stood on your head for an hour.  Please understand, I am not mocking prayer.  Prayer is communication with a loving Father, But it is not a formula to get that new BMW or manipulate God and/or people into doing your wishes.

People in the different churches we were connected to would pull the same phoniness.  You knew they were falling apart on the inside, but when asked how they were they'd reply "I'm blessed and highly favored" with a huge fake smile plastered on their face.  Where did we go so wrong as Christians that we cannot be real?  Did that person truly believe that he would get help by putting "mind over matter"?  By saying lies instead of being real with a fellow brother or sister, and allowing them to share in his burden? Whatever happened to Galations 6:2: "Bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfill the Law of Christ" ?


You see, to me, Faith is a simple trusting.  A trust that there is a God, who loves us so very much and wants what is best for us.  He is there at all times, and knows our every need and desire.  Faith is trusting in that Father, knowing His best for us will not be held back.  Can His best be sickness, grief, pain, loss, tragedy? I believe it can.  How many stories both in the Bible and in our own histories would we have to discount to say that those people missed Gods best, God's will? Would Joseph had delivered Egypt and Israel if he didn't have to suffer the betrayal of his brothers, and the beatings of that he endured while in slavery?  Would Ruth ever have met Boaz, the ancestor of Christ, if she had not suffered grief and loss, humiliation and hunger?

The health and wealth prosperity gospel has so many people blinded in complete error. They've replaced trust in an all knowing God with trust in man and his formulas.  It is a false doctrine of pride and accomplishment, not humility and servanthood.  To truly believe the prosperity/faith gospel, you would have to go through your Bible with a permanent marker and cross out over 50%. And yes, New Testament also!  Sermon on the mount? Acts? The stoning of Steven (because we choose our time of deaths right?) The beatings of Paul and Silas, the beheading of John the Baptist...all would have to be blackened out.  What makes us so special that we think we will avoid tribulation and hardships? Because we live in the 21st century? Because we paid our tithes, and gave to the man of God? Please.  We believed these very things, and would give thousands of dollars over the course of years, money we did not have, because we were told we would get more.  How about giving to give not to get?


Therefore, while we pray for our children to be healed when sick, that prayer also comes with a peace knowing that whether that child is healed or not, God is still on the throne, and His purpose will be done.  And while going through a financial hardship, yes, we can read scriptures on how God will supply our need,  but our trust has to be in Him not in formulas of how much we've given, how much seed we've sown, if the ground we sowed in was good ground,  or if we payed our tithes.  God will meet our  needs because He is good, and He promised to do so, not because of our works.  If we have a rebellious child, loving that child because God loves them, and they are a sinner just like us.  If our marriage is struggling, resting in the Lord knowing we are not alone, and have not taken Him by surprise.

How do we remove mountains by our faith? I'll tell you its not by confessing, or thinking positive, or lying to others about our true feelings. Its simply trusting.  Trusting that the God who created the universe, is the same God who knows the exact number of hairs on your head.  That He will always, no matter what you are going through, carry you through.  That while you may be suffering pain, He has promised to turn that pain around for your good for HIS glory.

You'll look back over your shoulder at that mountain of defeat, of sadness, of grief, loss and pain, and realize with God's help, you climbed that mountain one step at a time, and your stronger because of that climb. That my friend is "mountain moving faith"

An update for family and friends in New Hampshire and Maine

I have a lot of family and friends from New Hampshire asking us how we are adjusting to our huge life change, and how each of the children are doing, so I figured I'd write a long post about our happenings here in Corpus Christi, TX

Rhema is thriving in academics here, she has a great support team at her school that helps her on a one on one basis, and has been getting A's on her spelling tests, and we are so proud. As far a social aspect there, she had a very hard time adjusting since she was the new girl, and had a few episodes of being made fun of, but with much prayer and encouragement, she has now found a best friend and is starting to find her way there. I believe i'm dealing with the beginning stages of my girl wanting to become a young lady and all the fun emotions that entails (not!) but God's grace is enough!

Faith was having a very hard time in school. She is so advanced and the academics here are a bit behind New Hampshire, so we decided to pull her out and homeschool her and skip her a grade. So now she is doing Rod and Staff 5th grade and she is thriving. She also is enjoying being part of a huge church and getting one of the main speaking parts in our church christmas play. She has a best friend from church who is either always over, or she is always over there.

Coco is also doing fabulous in school. Dad signed him up for football in August, and his last game was last week, where he went all the way to the Super Bowl, and won! I was proud of his endurance in August and September when the temperature climbed over 100 degrees, and he was still out there playing fully suited up, helmet and all!

Malacai is loving school even though he asks me daily if he can be home schooled haha. He gets on his bus happily and comes home telling me that "hey mom, did you know we can drive to Mexico?" Yesterday he asked me if we could go to mexico since he has a passport now! (This week is world week at his school where all the classrooms pick a different country and decorate and cook according to the traditions of that country--and all the kids make passports and get stickers for every country/classroom they visit) He does ask daily if he can go back to New Hampshire, to his old house, and see (insert one name at various times of the day lol) Nani, Pepe, Uncle Dave and Honey, Katie, Madison, Andrew, Miss Lisa, and many more who he loved. I think out of all the children, Malacai has had the hardest time leaving behind all he knew and loved. He daily reminds us how sad he is to have left. I always ask him if we did move back to NH he would miss Pastor, Amie, Ms Patty, Aiden, Ms Susie, Jenn, Lilly, Becka, Jaci, Alex, all people he's fell in love with here, and who have fallen in love with him (Not that its hard haha)

Gloria-Grace is growing like a weed, and without my friends with little girls (Jen and Ebony) would literally be unclothed! All her 2T clothes do not fit anymore. Its so hard to realize I no longer have a baby girl! She's getting so big and loves to "tend" and play all day. All it takes to amuse her is her imagination. If she didn't have toys, she still would imagine with her hands or rocks. She has a very very strong will and I'm asking the Lord to lead me in the correct way to guide her.

Judah is our lover baby, he loves to snuggle and hates it when we leave the room without him. He's about 2 lbs lighter then Zion which has been about the norm the last few months. I joke around with him that he needs to be tougher with his brother Zion who must steal all his food!

Zion is the adventurous one that always keeps me on my toes. And Judah is always close behind joining in the trouble. They've both discovered climbing and have successfully conquered the kitchen table to the chagrin of his mommy. They both adore Faith because she's their "little Mommy" They both have MAJOR toddler attitudes, and I regret not still nursing them, I'm so used to nursing away my 1 year old tempers, 5 minutes with mommy and milk solved everything! (but thank God for bottles!) For them, its CARS, CARS, CARS and CARS! They have a car in their hands every waking minute! They fight each other over cars, and tackle each other over food. Pulling hair, bitings and screaming is a daily assurance. Thankfully they are so stinkin cute, its easy to laugh at all their antics. (the bickerings of the older kids, now thats a different story! Nothing stresses me out more!) One thing I'm so thankful for is that they are great sleepers! They usually take a 3 hour nap and go to bed at 6:30 and sleep straight to 7:30.

Cisco is extremely relaxed and happy here. I think being the head honcho for 10 years of his young adult life really got to him, not that he didn't excel at it, he did! But that's a lot of responsibility for someone so young, and all of his mentors were far away or distant. The change in him is a refreshing change, and that alone was worth the move. He adores working with Pastor Levell, and leading the young adults. He's almost done his Masters of Theology through Liberty University and will continue on to Masters of Divinity, then Doctorate of Divinity.

I love it here! I love the weather, the beach, the palm trees, the church, and the people. I've never had so many friends and wonderful Moms to fellowship with. There are things I miss though, like having my mom and dad and sisters so close. I miss the mountains and beauty of New England, I miss our 3 story home where I could get away from being a mom for 30 minutes, I miss our neighbors and our quiet street and huge backyard where I never panicked if the children were outside since the road was safe. I miss our best friends Dave and Judy, and all our fun times together. But, I DO NOT miss the snow, the gloom and the pressure. My neighbor is probably my biggest blessing (besides our church) here so far. There's nothing better than a wonderful neighbor who cares for your kids like your own, and even becomes a wonderful friend. I feel content here, and know there's nothing better then being in the Lord's will. My future plans are Lord willing, to become a registered doula and lactation consultant and do some photography on the side.

One thing I asked the Lord for was that someone would teach my children piano. In NH lessons were $25 for a 1/2 hour lesson. Multiply that by 4 children and that's $100 a week, or $400 a month! Not possible! Within a month, I found a friend who teaches my children weekly and refuses to be paid. Rhema, Faith, Coco and Cai are all learning the piano at amazing speeds, and I'm just amazed at the goodness of God who really does give us the desires of our hearts.

In closing, at Thanksgiving, we all went around and said what we were thankful for. We watched the video over again, and we both realized that our four oldest children all said they were thankful for their Pastor and their church. How amazing is that? I know God moved us here for many different reasons, but maybe one of the main ones was for our children to be guided not only by their Father, but also a Pastor and church family who love them. The heavens are open here in Corpus Christi Texas. I've never lived in an area where so many people love the Lord. I can't wait to watch the future unfold in the City of Christ.

So there you go! And update on the going ons of the Victa Clan! I hope no one thinks I'm ignoring them, I've never been busier, so I figured one long post would satisfy and hopefully help cut down on all the questions I don't have time to answer lol :) Love you all!

The Monsters of Monday

By the time the busy weekend is over, I'm ready for a quiet day. But somehow Monday fails me every time. The monster comes out everywhere I look! The dishes spilling out from two days of neglect, the laundry looks like its going to suffocate me, the floor? well lets just not go there. And here I am, weary, tired, ready for a day of blissful nothingness, and yet the monster screams at me, taking on these different forms.

Then there's the overtired kiddos...

(Here's Malacai having a major meltdown

that landed him with some calming juice

and chocolate milk and bed before 6:30--haven't heard from him sense!)

who were in church for 6 hours, neglecting their naps, and therefore think they can neglect them Monday too...Monsters I tell you, cranky, cute, clingy monsters, all of them (ehem---us).

Some day Monday will be nice to me, but for now I'm just glad there's only one Monday this week...

Day 20...the twins...

October 2009 I became very ill. I began suspecting pregnancy right away, and sure enough I had a blaring (and I mean no denying line) on my pregnancy test. I knew my dates could not be wrong, so I immediately began thinking something was up, especially the sicker I became.

When we were dating our friend Paul Springer told us the number of children we would have and that we would have twins. Every pregnancy he would joke until we confirmed that it was ONE baby that this was the time we would have twins. I never really took him serious until those first few weeks of this pregnancy!!! At our church in NH, I had to stop my weekly teaching because I was so sick. I whispered to my friend Lynn why, that I was again expecting, to which she squeezed me and said "ITS TWINS!"

So the sicker I became, the more I joked around with the kids and Cisco that it had to be twins! Around 7 weeks along, I cried out to my Dr. who had delivered the last 2, and was quite familiar with me, (therefore he knew I was NOT a cry baby lol). I told him I was throwing up 12+ times a day. He asked me to come in, and when he examined me, he sent me to ultrasound. I laid on the table and immediately saw three blobs, to which I proclaimed "AHHH, its TRIPLETS!"

But thankfully the 3rd "blob" was just the yolk sac, and the nurse promptly said no, but there are TWO babies, to which Cisco said "TWINS" She was very nice and said "yes, twins means two babies" lol

She scanned me on that table for what seemed like forever. At one point I asked her if all was well, and she sighed and said "I can't find a membrane, the doctor will have to tell you more" So of course I became concerned. I went home and starting googling. Never really a good idea usually, but for me it allowed me to know what to pray against.

You see, there are two types of twins:

1. fraternal (Two separate eggs are dropped during a woman's ovulation, to which two separate sperm fertilize--these types of twins always develop their own amniotic sac and placenta) This is usually hereditary..

2. Identical (One egg drops during ovulation, one sperm fertilizes the egg, and at some point in the cell dividing process, the embryo splits into two separate babies.) With identicals, depending on how early or how late they split will either develop two separate sacs and placentas, or if they split late, they will be in the same amniotic sac and share a placenta. The later being much more of a complicated and dangerous pregnancy.

So that first night on google I realized that I was carrying identical twins, and that they were defined as Mono-Mono twins, meaning they shared the same sac, and the same placenta.

About 2 days after that ultrasound I heard from my Dr. who told me what I already knew. He told me to prepare for a high risk pregnancy, entering hospitalized bed rest by 24 weeks gestation so the babies could be continually monitored. He told me that they split late in the dividing process and that if they would have split one day later, they would have been conjoined twins (Miracle #1) He also told me he discussed my case with his board of Doctors, and they felt the babies had a 50% mortality rate, that being in the same sac was so dangerous because they could entangle each other in each others umbilical cords. (he gave me the analogy of two dogs being tied to the same tree, and what a mess that would be) He also warned me of twin to twin transfusion, meaning since they shared one placenta (one food source) there was a good chance that one baby would get all the nourishment, while the other basically starved...sounds like a positive phone call huh? lol

After that first ultrasound, I had weekly ones to determine the health of the babies. Being so sick I had plenty of time to do nothing but pray. My prayer was this

"Lord, you gave me these babies, you did not give them to me to take them away. If you can create such a miracle as one baby being split into two separate babies, both unique, but both sharing exact DNA, then you can certainly grow a dividing membrane to keep them safe and allow my placenta to nourish them both"

Again I took out Jackie Mize's book Supernatural Childbirth and began reading it over and over and over again.

On my 13th week ultrasound, 6 weeks after the first one, I laid down on the table, preparing myself to be there for a while, when suddenly I hear my Doctor say "Oh my, there's the membrane" I almost jumped off the table in joy and yes even a little bit of unbelief! I made him confirm it over and over again. But there it was, this miraculous whisper of a membrane, the thickness of a sheet of saran wrap, but just enough to keep my babies safe from each other's cords. Praise the Lord (Miracle #2)

The rest of my pregnancy was pretty much miserable. I was huge, I had no appetite, I had horrendous heart burn, nausea, and couldn't sleep from being so uncomfortable. At 35 weeks I was put on hospitalized bed-rest for the last weeks for the beginning of pre-eclampsia. God bless my husband and his father who held down the fort with 5 little ones!

At 36 weeks they felt it was time, so I was induced and was able to give birth naturally after a 6 hour labor. Both boys cried and nursed right away, a miracle for twins, and boys at that, born 4 weeks early (miracle #3)

I wish I could give you an account of their first year but I'd be lying if I said I remembered much of it. It honestly was a blur! I went through the blues, insomnia, nursing issues, and so much more, but the fact is I MADE IT! (miracle #4!) I was able to nurse both of them for 9 months and they both received my milk for at least one feeding a day till their first birthday (miracle #5!)

There were five, okay, six things I could not have made it through without (no judging here!)

1. The Lord, he truly was my Solid Rock and my Refuge

2. My husband who never left my side, and was always there to help change diapers, burp babies, and so much more...

3. My older children who were a big help in so many ways (thank you Katie, Faith and Rhema!)

4. My best friend Amanda, who also had twins the same age as mine. It was such a comfort knowing she was just a text away to complain to, ask a question, ask for prayer, share the cute things our babies were doing and to just be there...

5. PopPop and MomMom who helped so many different times, I don't know a grandfather alive who would take on what PopPop did--even so far as watching them when they were 10 months for an entire week when we were given a timeshare at disney!

6. (here comes the no judgment part): the occasional glass of wine for those extra stressful days and nights. I joke around with friends and say I never tasted alcohol before the twins, but really I meant it. I thank the Lord I allowed my mom to talk me into drinking an occasional glass at night to calm me down, de`stress me and allow me to rest up for the next full day (Love you Mom! :)

So there it is in a long nutshell...the twins are now 17 months old. Judah we call the sensitive lover. He is always second to do things. He cut his first tooth 2nd, he sat up second, crawled second and walked about 2 months after his brother took his first step. He loves to be cuddled, especially by the men in his life...daddy, pop pop, pepe and pastor lol. He's a true daddy's boy and falls on the floor in a complete mess of tears when daddy walks past him or leaves the house.

Zion is the daring one. He always stands in his highchair, went from walking to running in days, and has a sparkle in his eye that screams mischief. His favorite thing to do is make his brother laugh. (See video)

Even though at times my life is crazy, and some days I wonder if the volcanic mountain of laundry will consume me with its spilling over lava, I can't help but focus on the blessings.

7 healthy beautiful children, each unique, each a miracle...

I'll finish this post with two recent pictures of the boys and a link for pictures of their first 12 months...thank you for reading and encouraging me with your words, it means so much to know that my writing is blessing others, even in small ways!

Link to pictures:

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2132004938337.2119224.1192416097&type=1&l=df299eac78

Day 17...Marriage and sanity

Tomorrow, I'll write more about the twins. But tonight I must preface their last year and tell you how grateful I am with the fact that we are still married! That may sound like a joke, but its not!

Now we've come through some challenges the first 10 years of our marriage, challenges most would have fallen away after enduring, but none so hard as the year and a half of the pregnancy and first year of the twins life. We truly felt like we were deserted. I know that sounds almost comical as we both have lovely families. And its not like the people in our lives
then are not in our lives now, most are, but God had them busy in their own lives, for in His sovereignty, He knew that in order for us to move into
His will and the next phase of
our life, He had to strip everything and everyone from
us, allowing us to depend completely on Him and each other.

There were moments after months of being up more than not at night with two fussy hungry boys, and unending days of 4 in diapers that we would, in desperation and exhaustion, look at each other and wonder if we'd make it without hurting someone.

And we did...we are alive, and happy. Happier then we have been in a long time, stronger in our relationship with God,
each other, and our children, and I am so grateful... for to us, we take the words of Pastor Timothy Keller to heart, and I'll leave you with them:

"The essence of marriage is a public, permanent, exclusive legal commitment that says:

"We're spending our life together and sharing every part of our life with each other"
Therefore the essence of true love is a commitment first-- to invest in someome else and meet their need--and a feeling second-."

I love you Babe :)

Day 16...Gloria-Grace Treasure

Gloria-Grace Treasure Victa, a true package of all three...Glory, Grace, and a sweet treasure.

Gloria was a complete bonus surprise! I was so happy with my baby Cai that I didn't even consider another, 2 boys, 2 girls what a perfect family! but God again had other plans. Her entire pregnancy was a joy, I was rarely sick, rarely tired, and her birth itself was miraculous. I had an eight hour labor and throughout the entire 480 minutes I didnt feel one bit of pain. I laughed and talked through the whole thing, and when she arrived it was after one push, and I was holding this wide eyed beauty. After a birth like that you can only say one thing, the glory of the Lord and His grace was there :)

Over the last three years, she has been Daddy's little shadow. She has him wrapped completely around her little finger, even to the point that he sacrificed some college loans to pay for a trip to see the desire of her heart, Cinderella and her castle.

When the twins arrived I was sure I was in store for some jealousy, but G-g just was like "hey, I know you two are here, but I ain't letting you take my place, I'm still the baby, I'm just a princess" lol. A princess for sure, but one who's not afraid to let her will be known. We say she has to be tough, after all she's sandwiched between FOUR boys! What else can I say? She's a grace filled glorious Little Sprite, and we are so grateful for our Treasure!

Day 15...Malacai Phillip (Happy Birtday!)

‎7 years ago around this time of year, we began trying again for a baby. Never did I think
It would be so hard. After a year, I gave up all hope thinking I was suffering from secondary infertility. People mistakenly think if you've had a baby then for that you should be grateful and that if you desire more, but can't have them, then you are seen as greedy not grieving...infertility in any form is a heartache no woman should have to bare...

Someone gave me the book "Supernatural Childbirth" by Jackie Mize. Over the next 4 children, I can safely say that the book changed my life.

The following February I discovered I was with child. I was so overjoyed. But 3 weeks after getting the plus sign, I began miscarrying.
I was heartbroken, i wanted another baby so bad, and to have lost this baby after a year and a half of trying was devastating..but again I took out the Mize book and began quoting the scriptures that blessed is the fruit of my womb and many many more. Next month I was pregnant with Malacai.

At 16 weeks and again at 30 weeks I had preterm labor and bleeding. During these scary times I'd pull out my Bible and my book and one verse I'd say over and over again:

"And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast its fruit before the time in the field, saith Jehovah of hosts." (Malachi 3:11 ASV)

(one interpretation of this verse, and the interpretation Jackie Mize uses is this: that the Lord is saying through his prophet Malachi, that if you are a tither he will rebuke Satan, and cause your fruit to not die, and to not come off/out early)

So during those frightening hospital visits, I quoted this scripture, for we have always been tithers and always will be...

Malacai was born healthy exactly 5 years ago today. His name means "My Messenger, and "Cai" means "rejoice"

He's all boy! He loves life and has the IQ of a 3rd grader in k-4. I wouldn't be surprised if some day he's a programmer at Apple for he's never met a game, computer, phone or iPad that he hasn't mastered yet. He keeps us laughing daily at the things thar come out of his mouth! He's bluntly honest and I could fill a book with the things he's said that make me blush haha

But when you look into his eyes you see Christ. His eyes are so full of wisdom, compassion, love, gentleness and kindness (and occasionally mischief!) 5 years later he makes us all rejoice, for he truly is a messenger to me, and I'm so grateful for him!