one year ago today...

My life changed forever...I became the mom of multiples. The day started early, as I was already in the hospital on bed rest and had been for over a week...I walked to the labor room with all the dark predictions of my doctors flying around my hormonal head, I would need a blood transfusion, my blood type was on hand, I more than likely would need a csection, the babies would probably have breathing issues, I would have a challenging time breastfeeding twins...the walk of 300 feet seemed like a mile. I can remember screaming in my head "ALL is WELL!!! If God can supernaturally grow a membrane to keep my babies safe, He CAN and WILL cause all things to work together for mine and my babies good!".

Eight hours later after a quick and difficult labor, I was holding two beautiful pink baby boys, with a head full of dark hair, who both latched on right away and breathed and cried with gusto.

This year was the hardest year of my life. And while I could cry and say I should have had more help, or i should have just mortgaged our house and hired help, I wouldn't change a thing knowing what I know now.

Two years ago if someone woud have told me that God allows challenges and trials in your life to teach you something, I would have called them a heretic...how could an all loving God be a scitzo lol. But if I had all kinds of help, If all the people who promised they'd come over and change diapers and help with late night feedings actually DID come, I wouldn't have had to trust in God and Him alone to bring me through day by day (and most days it was minute by minute)

If me and my husband got through this year by ourselves, this year of four in diapers, sleepless nights when you looked at the day before you and realized you have 8 others depending on you to stay awake, feed them, clothe them, clean up after them all on 3 hours of sleep, day after day then we can literally go through anything that the world shoves at us, as long as we are together...

I made it almost 9 months breastfeeding both babies, I got through all the sleepless nights, all the diaper changes where I had an assembly line going, I made it through the heartbreaking leaving of our oldest adopted daughter, the challenges of being married to a full time pastor, and having a son diagnosed with special needs...

And I'm alive, and more importantly I know who I am and who I am not...I am first a child of the most high God, He is my Abba Father, the Shepard of my soul, the lover of my heart...Second I am a very blessed wife of the best man in the world, he completes me, fulfills me, and treasures me, third I am a mom of many blessings who are my daily joy and my God calling... With those three, I am complete, without them I'd be lost.

So happy first year my baby boys who even though you don't talk, don't walk, make huge messes, and still depend on me for everything, have taught me more than the greatest scholars...you are my blue-eyed heavenly messengers who whisper to me daily that I can do ALL things through CHRIST who has never failed to strengthen me, and who will continue to strengthen me. I can with all confidence move into this next season of our life, this giant leap of faith, moving our family away from everything they know and love for the sake of the calling...

I'm snuggling your curly hair that smells like sweet baby, squishing your chubby thighs and kissing your soft cheeks, you are my reminder that I am loved, my angel whisperers, my identical baby boys of destiny, happy birthday Loves...I celebrate you...

Mother's Day 2011

Rhema: you are developing into a beautiful young lady. I love your voice, when you sing, tears come to my eyes every time.

Faith: you are a pint sized power house of intellect and wisdom. Many times you shock me with your reasoning. You are my big helper, and I love your heart that strives to please...

Coco: what can I say? You are all boy, but I wouldn't have it anyother way. And while you frustrate me with your constant complaining and bad attitude, I'll turn around and see you loving on your baby brothers or kissing GGs boo-boo...

Malacai: you are my gentle giant. Your feet pound the floor as you run :) Your eyes pour out compassion and love, and your hugs are the best!

Gloria: you are the impitamy of a princess girl! You will run away causing much frustration then run right back and kiss me or dad as hard as you can with so much passion its impossible to stay mad! You adore makeup, Cinderella, and shoes!

Judah and Zion: you are the light of my life, watching you interact is better than the best tv show out there. You are my two chubbub little men who give me so much joy!

Babe: thank you for making me a mama almost 11 years ago, you gave me the best 7 gifts of all. I love you and am happy to be by your side.

Mom: thank you for giving me the best example to live by. I love you, you are my best friend.

God: I know I fail many many times, I know I yell too much, I loose my cool, I can be too self centered, I second guess my decisions and sometimes want to run away, and as my mom says when I do take a break, and it comes to an end: "it's back to reality" ...But I wouldn't trade my reality for all the riches of this world. So while I fail miserably at mothering at times, Your grace is sufficient in my weakness, and I thank You for seeing fit to bless me abundantly, may I always strive to be more like You and be the best mother to my 7 blessings I can be...

A cry from the heart

Who through this avails
Lost loyalty
Sighs from much betrayl
How can this be

Yet You calm the storms
That rage all around
a song of praise still forms
For Your faithfulness abounds

And we sing to you
Cause it's all we can do
When we doubt we'll make it through
It's You we look to

You had a plan all along
A valley for us to walk through
Even with all the wrong
You're grace will make all new

So for now we will ask
That some memories will fade
It's not an easy task
But our burdens we have laid

And we will choose to see
The beauty all around
Who you've destined us to be
Is still waiting to be found

So our hearts are filled
With both joy and sadness
Your will be fulfilled
Your blessings are countless

One step at a time
Onward we will move
This mountain we will climb
Our lives you'll improve

You silence our enemies
You are our defender
All darkness flees
And we completely surrender